🧠 Teen Logic Is Its Own Genre

1.      My teen said, “I’m not addicted to my phone,” while cradling it like a newborn.
2.     “I’m fine” means “I’m spiraling, but don’t touch me.”
3.     They asked for space, then followed me into the kitchen to complain.
4.     Teenagers don’t lose things—they just “temporarily misplace them in another dimension.”
5.     They treat minor inconveniences like Shakespearean tragedies.
6.     I asked my teen to do the dishes. They responded like I’d asked them to donate a kidney.
7.     They believe they’re independent—except when they need gas money, snacks, or a ride.
8.     “You don’t understand!” is teen for “You’re right, but I’m annoyed.”
9.     They can debate philosophy but forget to wear socks.
10.    My teen said I was “too dramatic” while storming off in a cape

                                                                       

🍕 Snack-Fueled Sass
11.     Teens don’t eat meals—they graze like caffeinated raccoons.
12.     “I’m not hungry” means “I’ll eat your fries when you’re not looking.”
13.     Their room has more snack wrappers than furniture.
14.     I bought groceries yesterday. Today, we “have nothing to eat.”
15.     They treat snack wrappers like confetti. The party? Their bedroom floor.
16.     They’ll eat an entire pizza and ask what’s for dinner.
17.     They snack like it’s a competitive sport—and they’re undefeated.
18.     They’ll reject dinner but eat a stale granola bar like it’s gourmet.
19.     Their metabolism is faster than my Wi-Fi.
20.     They’ll ask for a snack while brushing their teeth.

                                                                                 

📱 Tech & Texts
21.     My teen texted me from the bathroom to ask for toilet paper.
22.     They say “That’s cringe” while wearing socks with tacos on them.
23.     I asked for tech help. They sighed like I’d asked them to rebuild the internet.
24.     Their phone battery dies faster than their motivation.
25.     They speak fluent emoji. I’m still stuck on “LOL.”
26.     They treat Wi-Fi like oxygen and their phone like a limb.
27.     They’ll post their entire life online, then ask for privacy.
28.     They changed their profile pic three times today. I liked all of them.
29.     They text “K” and expect me to understand their emotional state.
30.     They call me “bruh” and still expect me to make dinner.

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💛 Emotional Whiplash & Heartfelt Chaos
31.     They said “I hate you” and “Can you drive me?” in the same breath.
32.     They forgot my birthday but remembered the Wi-Fi password.
33.     They hugged me randomly. I checked for signs of alien possession.
34.     They made a playlist called “Feelings.” I wasn’t ready.
35.     They asked deep questions at midnight. Sleep is optional.
36.     They cried because their hoodie was in the wash.
37.     They told me I “don’t get it.” I invented “it.”
38.     They made a joke that was actually brilliant. I laughed. They blushed.
39.     They’re growing faster than my heart can track.
40.     Parenting teens is like being a life coach for someone who thinks you’re uncool and also needs $20.

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😵‍💫 What I Wish I Knew: Raising Teens Edition
Because parenting teens is like herding cats—with Wi-Fi and attitude

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1.     “I’m fine” translates to “I’m spiraling but don’t touch me.”
2.     Eye rolls are punctuation.
3.     Silence after school means buffering, not peace.
4.     Asking for advice is just a setup to ignore it.
5.     Sighs, shrugs, and door slams become their own language.
6.     Their bedroom is a habitat, not a room.
7.     “You changed the Wi-Fi password” is code for “I forgot it again.”
8.     Lunch gets left behind, but every embarrassing moment is archived forever.
9.     Socks are controversial.
10.     Dinner questions arrive via text—from the next room.
11.     “I hate you” sometimes means “I feel safe enough to lose it.”
12.     A sincere “Thanks, Mom/Dad” can cause spontaneous tears.
13.     Parenting roles now include Uber driver, therapist, and unpaid editor.
14.     “I’m not a kid” is often followed by “Can you cut my grilled cheese?”
15.     Lectures are less effective than snacks and slow blinking.
16.     Fashion choices may defy gravity and logic.
17.     Headphone volume is a mood ring.
18.     Space is requested—followed by 14 memes.
19.     Toddler tantrums had snacks. Teen meltdowns have sarcasm.
20.     “K” is the new “I love you.”
21.     Pride shows up in unexpected places—like a heartfelt apology.
22.     Sarcasm doubles as affection.
23.     Blame may include the weather, your tone, and your existence.
24.     “I’m bored” is a trap.
25.     Math homework requires a time machine to 1997.
26.     Eye contact is a victory.
27.     “I KNOW” usually means “I forgot.”
28.     “You don’t understand” is a universal teen chant.
29.     Villain status is temporary. Hero status is permanent.
30.     Emotional parkour becomes a daily sport.
31.     Wisdom appears between sock losses.
32.     Listening without fixing is a high-level skill.
33.     Advice requests peak at 11:47 PM.
34.     Needs shift—but never disappear.
35.     “Stop” means “Say it again, but softer.”
36.     Independence is thrilling and terrifying.
37.     Door slams don’t cancel love.
38.     Laughter eventually outweighs tears.
39.     Transformation is messy, beautiful, and yours to witness.
40.     Progress is happening—even when it’s buried under laundry.